For every turn, every second, every moment of one's life is a meaning.. a purpose. That's what I'm out to find out. I want every part of the puzzle of my life. I want the big picture. I want to know what life is for me. More soul searching for me now..
I have to move on with my life. The business of life is to move forward. Hard to face, hard to accept but this is the real truth that you can hold on to (aside from God).
I've been seeing several counselors already. Some are religiously inclined, asking me to come to God and not hate him. But do I have to hear them out? Even if I DON'T HATE GOD? I love HIM. I am thankful for everything that happens to me, for I am a person without regret. True that I ask why He took JP away from me. The answer is quite easy. I even heard it from JP himself. I don't have to question Him anymore, although I had to falter quite often and keep asking the same question over and over again.
Others tell me to cling to friends. But friends aren't always there for you. Sure, they spend some time with you to hear you out, carry you through.. but after that, you're on your own. You have to find something to hold on to. I found mine.
I met someone who told me "Life is beautiful". Smiling proudly as if life was indeed beautiful in my eyes. Its not. At that point in time, life was not beautiful for me. I wondered when and how can I ever say that to myself again. I always thought I was blessed because God gave me JP to settle down with. Everything was pretty and normal, until JP was summoned to be a better angel in heaven.
"Life is always beautiful only the mind makes it miserable and bad but whatever the case maybe its still a world of joy filled with the blessings from God" - RS
I wonder why it was hard for me to understand that everything was happening for a reason, and that neither myself nor anyone is in control--except God and the entire universe. It was perfectly said. Everything was in my mind. How can I not liberate myself when JP himself has already been liberated from the pains of this world and I believe that having loved him and he, having loved me would want both of us to neither be in pain.
Yes, I believe life is beautiful. And so, I shall live it again. :)