A collection of learnings, coding adventures and random thoughts about living life.

I miss you hon.  I lost my future when God has taken you away.  I grieve because I am lost and my future is bleak without you.  But I strive to be happy now for you are without pain and with God already.

Build us a house there and be there for me when its my last breath here on Earth.  I will be excited to see you and our house in heaven.  Paint it light blue as you wanted to.  Maybe in heaven we can start our own happy family.

I know I did not share all of your happy moments for you had a lot before our relationship started.  You knew how much I wanted you to be happy because your own personal relationship with the one you valued most before was not good and you became depressed.

We both watched out for each other earlier that time and because we did not want either one of us to lose our way, we went as far as to become a couple to be happy and cherish the love that we can give to each other.

All I wanted was to protect you.  You always give your heart wholly to others without expecting anything in return.  I am a nurturing partner, I never want you to get hurt even by those whom you think loves you.

You turn a deaf ear to those who slander and belittle our relationship and you cover mine too.  You wanted to wrap me in your comfort so that my own generally depressed soul may rub in your happy and joyful soul.  You have been quite successful until now.  My life became happier because I learned to trust my love and my life to you.

Little by little you find that the love you told me was good enough became the best love you've ever known.  I could have done much more for you.  I have given you hope that you are the best that you are and I have supported you in all your endeavors.  You remember how much I cheered for you when you play til they all became jealous and cheered for themselves later on.  They envied you for having only one but the best supportive honey you could ever have.

I also envied your past life.  I only wish I could have shared with you our beautiful three years of relationship.  Maybe your friends and even your enemies would have seen you mature like you are now before God has taken you from us.

You were not perfect and so was I.  But I forgive you.  You are still the most beautiful soul God has created and that I was blessed to take care of.  I am blessed and grateful that you gave your heart to me.  With it, I am proud to say that I was able to take care of it, nourish it and never hurt it.

I am proud of you hon in every possible way.  You touched the lives of most people and even those whom you thought you couldn't.  You have changed the world, though you didn't know it.

But you are unique.  Unique in every possible way.  Even you are most different from your family and that's what makes you look like a bad son.  That's what makes us look like bad people.  That's what makes me look like the bad influence.  But what they do not see or know is how much of you is in me and how much of me is in you.

We have become one and the same in thoughts, in feelings and in praise.  You admire me for being strong, honest and free of fear.  I admire you for your patience, serenity and humor.  We both treasure our faith in God and love of his creations.

I am kitteh, you are doggieh.  Remember that.. but we coexist.  We have never argued as far as throw bad words against each other.  We have never slept on an argument we can't resolved.  Only silence heals our heart and then we will love again like the last love was stale the current only burning better and brighter.  How else can I find such great love?

My lonely heart grieves for my selfish self.  I long to feel your warm embrace and kiss.  You alone have been my strength at times of grief, loneliness and depression.  Now I find myself alone at times when I used to be with you.  How can I pick myself up and just move on.

When I wake up in the morning, I wonder how many more days til I wake up beside you?  And now I think that mornings are drawing me farther from you.  How many more days should I wake up breathing and be without you?  :( :( :(

If they tell me I am young and that I can move on, I wonder what exactly are they saying to me?  That I am to find another better half and take him as my husband?  How could I for I already found one?  I love you more than I could ever say or write.  I love you more than I could ever prove by living every day of my life.

I told you.  I told you long before.  I can love you.  I love you.  I will love you no matter what.  And now, you know, I love you forever.

Death will not separate us, death will not stop me from loving you, and I know you too.

Happy monthsary hon.  What shall we do today? :)  Let's pray.  I'll see you later.