Today is the last day of the year. Last night, I spent it working late. I was rushing into stuffs that I need to do. I'm way behind my own schedule, so it was my way of catching up. Yesterday was very unproductive, but today I promise to do some real working. Hehe..
Just this morning, I heard it over the radio, the DJ was saying something about a New Year's countdown and resolutions. I have been delaying this post, so I just gave it some thought, and now here are my resolutions. But before anything else, I am saying bye bye to 2006.
Two thousand six is a very meaningful year for me. I have been into a lot this year. Here are some of the things I'd want to remember about this year:
January 2006, I became a serious necessity for my previous employer. I had to come to every meeting with the Technical Working Group to deliberate and defend features that we had implemented, to discuss methods of implementation and current project status (development-wise). It was during this time that I had the peak of my workload with my previous employer. I was so into finishing the project. Almost all of my efforts was poured into this project, with only occasional calls regarding my consultancy. Generally peaceful month for me career-wise. This time too, I was already having a difficulty with my relationship. We were just able to makeup from a fight from Dec 2005.
February 2006. During the later parts of this month, I received an offer from the company I am now in. Their Senior IT Manager invited me over for an interview. I took chances because I wanted to belong to a more stricter environment than the one I belonged in. I came over, had a chat with him and it took the interview for almost an hour. He wanted me to join them soon. It seemed to me, he wanted me in that instant! This is also the month when my mentor passed away. I could very well remember thinking about why I received this offer and she had to pass away when we were also in the middle of a project completion. A few days later, I was invited again for an exam. This was the first day of her wake when her remains was just sent here in Manila. It must've been really rude to display a very unenthusiastic expression when I came over to their office! So sorry… It was a time when I wanted to mourn over a loss of such a person in my life!
March 2006. The 20th was the day I first moved into this new company. As I transfered there, I already noticed something. Aside from the fact that the people who worked there seemed happy, I simply liked it there. Its like my heart has never found a home any better. I wanted so much to stay in this employer for good. Not that the nationality of my employers were a big influence, but I just was getting tired moving from one company to another. At this point in time, I've had 7-8 distinct employers. Well, with which I have successfully contributed much and they had regretted that I would have to move out. Now, I am faced with many challenges. At this point in time, my relationship was just fine, although each day that I came to the office, I always get tired at the end of the day. I cannot sit still in my seat because I had to go visit every department to communicate with each one and simply carry on with my job. After merely ten (10) days of my stay with them, I was offered the position of Senior IT Manager. I was surprised, intrigued but more so, bothered. I declined.
April 2006. This was the time I had already been planning to leave the company. I thought I came into this place without really knowing much about it. It just excited me to move in here because the people seemed happy and I was happy with the challenges they were offering me. But, unknown to me at the first time, my superior had plans of leaving. It shattered me with the fact that, at my first day, one developer resigned. And then I was faced with the dilemma of facing all his backlogs when I do not even have absorbed all of it yet! My superior's resignation was shortly followed by another developer. But then, I was able to hire in more people. Good ones, they were very good ones. At the end of the month I was awarded Employee of the month and the People's Choice Award. They say this is a real achievement because none from the IT department ever received any award! And to actually sweep two! ha! must have been really good back then..
May 2006. I was waiting for a sign. I wanted to move out. I was just finishing the project I started, then I'll leave. At this point in time, I needed all emotional and mental support I could get. I was more and more absorbed with what might happen if I'll leave. The department has just risen from deep slumber and now that I was able to rouse them up, I'll leave??? What a weakling I must have been back then! Back when I had OJTs with me and couple of fresh grads as developers.. it was a shame to just leave them all. At the 11th of this month, I was able to launch the new website which has put me into much pressure. I received the most beautiful praises from the directors and couple of applauses from my colleagues from the other departments too. This month I again was an awardee of the People's Choice Award. At the 17th of this month too, I tendered my resignation. I also remember, when this was the month I had not been having my lunch inside the office. It was so painful for me to simply be with them when I know I was going to leave them. I was having my lunch alone outside from that time I tendered resignation. This month, my confused mind has paved the way for another great argument with my partner. At a time when I needed support, I was also being hostaged to render support. I felt uncapable of moving anywhere.
June 2006. Someone was showing care to me. I was able to speak boldly and honestly about my problems. I thought of this as support. I found that my bestfriend Tin loved me so much this month. Thirteenth of this month, I had a breakup. I believe everybody from the office heard me cry. This was the first time I had brought my personal problems inside the office. It was just because I was caught inside the office when that commotion came about. I was literally hostaged inside the office. I cannot go out to go home because I did not want to confront a fight. I was able to survive though. When it was barely a week to go before my last day at the office, I know a lot has been expressing sadness over losing me, but that wasn't really the problem. I realized that my personal life was adding much burden to me and that losing a part of that burden was good to me. Towards the end of the month, I fell inlove with another colleague.
July 2006. I had the most beautiful feeling I thought I could possibly have. Although it was something new for me, I very much welcomed the feeling of loving again. I was still brave enough to get hurt back then. I was just happy, for me that was all I needed and wanted. Towards the end of the month too, was an unfortunate event. If there is something I regret, I think that this event not to be spoken of is definitely it!
August 2006. I know I was able to hurt someone, but I felt I needed to move on. Its hard because I see that my ex has been hurting so much, so I tried to be a good friend. After all, almost seven years of relationship is not easy to forget. At the 26th of this month, supposedly, we were to celebrate seven years of relationship and more to that actually. Its sad that we had to part, but I believe there is something definitely better than how I was feeling back then. This month was opened with a very shocking event too! There was a rentrenchment at our company. Speaking now, unoblivious to the future relative to that time, I feel fortunate that I was not amongst those who were retrenched. The fifteenth of the month was the last day of those who were retrenched. We all had to survive (those who remained). We felt ripped apart.. most especially me. I felt like I lost kids of my own when I shook off an unwanted number of developers. Towards the end of this month too, at the 22nd to be exact, I had another breakup. Wow! something more of a marathon?! Nah… was just not the right guy. At a later date, I found out that another colleague of mine has also suffered a loss of one serious relationship (just like me) and one pseudo relationship (just like me too).
September 2006. At this time, this colleague of mine and I were both recuperating from the many losses we had. We made pact that we both will not enter into another relationship for one whole year. I know it was possible for me to achieve, but for him, I know it was a lot harder. But nonetheless, we supported each other. I came to love this friendship because it offered me support, and I was able to give it back without much effort. Though there may be times I cannot tell him how much I needed his presence (because that is totally unnecessary, though I really needed a friend sometimes because of depression), I still was able to be honest with him. I was able to tell him everything and anything I wanted to say, and he would listen. This was also the time when I hit my head in the pool. This event even lead me to pity myself and made me realise its hard to be alone. But in my heart, I know I'll survive.
October 2006. When I was feeling okay with my status, I enrolled myself in violin classes. I went jogging at times when I felt like it. I worked hard day and night. I wanted to rid myself of pity and depression. Its not like I can ask my friend to be with me all the time I was in need of a chat. At this time, a new love was knocking at my door. This guy, he's been an online friend for almost a year already. He's been much supportive to me too. I loved his consistency in making me feel loved and important. We had mutual feelings for each other, and true, I was happy to have him at that time. But, at a time, someone else was displaying his feelings for me. It has actually been funny and weird at the same time, because I have treated him so much so like my own bestfriend already. I remember saying to myself that I cannot see him as a lover because kissing him, may feel just like kissing your own brother. This was also the month I knew someone not in my network. I met him online. At first, I found comfort from a distant friend. We met and we were just able to be completely honest about stories about our lives. I really like him, he's one good friend. I also value his love for his wife. He's one good guy.
November 2006. I suffered so much moral dilemma about two people who loved me so much. Even Ian wasn't able to help much. (Hehe.. peace tayo Ian!) He always felt like one was not sincere to me, while the other one is, but he did not say much. He just let me decide on things that were to happen. These two guys, they were very much alike. It would have been easy to choose if one was so diverse from the other, but they even use the same expression! Had the same 'calling' before, had the same experience with relationships, and even say the same beautiful things to me. The only difference was that, one was always there for me, while the other one was not. At almost all events that I have been into for the past two months, I can find him close or with me. Even when I felt like I did not have a 'house', his company served as a home for me. How can I forget having a love this beautiful? I did not even know I was falling in love with him because I did not understand love this beautiful can be so intense!
December 2006. It seems the days fly so fast when I was sharing it with him. At the celebration of our first month, it felt more like it was just yesterday that we became a couple. I loved my mornings because it was always graced by his meaningful good morning and the thought that I just couldn't feel love any better. Sigh… (sorry, sobrang inlove parin.. ) And Christmas was even more beautiful because I got to celebrate it with him in my life. My birthday too was very much memorable! Basta, memorable!!! And now, now that I've said adieu to 2006 with this reminiscing that I did, I believe its about time to prepare for next year. Here are my resolutions. Not that I have not been doing them lately, but I'd like to put it into writing also as a reminder for myself.
devote 10-15minutes exercise, eat breakfast and read the papers every morning
I am planning to become a lawyer (If I cannot trim it down to IT Law). So, I'd like to keep a habit going until I finally am into implementing my goals.
- not to be late in the office
Hey, this is hard. Since we moved out from the old office, and the retrenchment, things are a lot different if not harder. But, I'd like to keep trying.
- use the elevator only twice a day
Its been a couple of days already since I've been doing this. I'd like to think of this as a meaningful exercise, since I cannot go walking late at night anymore. I know someone worries for me now, and even Ian objects it!
- go jogging every sunday morning
I usually go jogging in UP oval area before I moved into this company I currently am in. And its been awhile since JP and I have jogged. I want to keep this going on for the whole year. This will be a good discipline in line with the health measures that I'm observing.
- be more patient and be more frugal
I always feel like I am throwing away cash during Christmas season. Bills are bigger, food is always on the list, and gifts too. So this is always what I have in mind first thing every year. But this time, I'd like to extend it a little further. I want to be nicer, better and more frugal. Saving up is always good for the future.
- read at least one new IT article every day
Since my becoming an IT manager, I find less and less time to read something new. So, now I promise to read at least one new article every day. This I need too for the future.
- finish reading the dictionary before november!
Ha! Don't laugh if you find me reading the dictionary. I just want to do so in preparation for an exam in the coming november for the Law Aptitude Test. Wish me luck!
So there, I wish that all these will definitely be good for me. I pray my 2007 will be blessed with 365 loving days with my loving partner, and that both our careers will be blessed for the coming year!
Wow!!! Welcome 2007!!!