One by one I feel that the world is getting smaller and smaller for me. All of the things I do no longer surprise me nor does it make me feel any better. Everyday seems to be more like finding the rainbow's reflection in the same puddle of mud. Its like trying to find the beauty in all the common things around me.
Everyday is waking up to pray for my loved ones, greet them goodmorning and get to work at the soonest possbile time whilst I try not to be stressed by the fact that I woke up late because I slept late last night. Then I'll get to work and do the work stuffs that I was saving inside my head for tomorrow's 8-5 work day. Eating has also become a difficulty for me.. Choosing the right combination of food to eat and eating at the right time with only the right amount is of utmost importance. Everyday is like trying to extract the right attritude for the wrong set of events.
And then I got sick. Its frustrating because when you're happy, you feel happiness makes you light. But when you're sad, its like the rain won't ever stop. I'm only thankful there are people who care for me in thought and those who are always by my side when I need them. I can only promise that I'll try to take good care of myself better.. I should also do this for all those who care for me.
I have diverted much of my energy and attention to something else by making other people happy. They say, the best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody up. All I ever wanted was my family to be happy and that was what I did. I had the house renovated because they wanted it for so long ago already. And I had all of us sleep in a hotel for a night with a jacuzzi. I tell you, it made them happy, it made me twice or more happier! That night will never be forgotten as they were noisily playing by the jacuzzi.. I didn't care if it would mess up the privacy of the other tenants..or if they would still have enough time for sleep.. as long as it made them happy, I don't care. Even if that VIP family room did cost me much, the experience is definitely priceless.
As preparation too for our departure this coming December, we had to have our passports ready. We had trips to the DFA. We just agreed that we're going to get it at DFA at Angeles, Pampanga; ergo, a travel to that place. A friend offered their van for transportation. The trip is very exhilarating. I cannot explain the beauty of green and brown. We had experiences driving by dawn when everything was still very dark, symbolizing an unknown future; driving at the first break of morning light when everything seems to be lively and happy and very hopeful; driving by noon when it was too hot where patience is tried and virtues are tested; driving by late afternoon when we can go hungry along the road; driving by night where it was dark again, we were hungry and almost late for curfew hours. Everything that wasn't unplanned was making me happy. It was the ultimate escape from my very planned and outlined life. For once, I just let the events surprise me.. and I just watch myself react to certain situations. And I can say, I acted well. Even if everybody else seemed to be pissed by what was happening, I just remained calm and seemingly in control.. but truth is.. God was in control. Such a happy feeling to simply surrendering to God's will and just be there at the right moment at the right time.
I only wish there were more of green and brown in the city. I'll keep missing the nature for sure.